♥Evonne.O

Thursday, March 07, 2013Y

For you, I'll wait...

07032013's;

725 more days of wait.
you told me a few hours ago.
this isn't gonna be easy.
it's gonna hurt me somewhere here and that along the way.
but yet, i told you,
what kind of hurt have i not been through before.
i've been through worse shit that these.
2 years ain't something difficult for me.
i tell you, I'm gonna stick around,
no matter what is the outcome at the end of this 725days.

people may think,
aiiya, say only lahs.
2 years lleahs.
Really can wait meahs?
so many things will happen within this two years.
who can confirm sia..

Yes, 2 years is not very short, not very long.
Yes, 2 years can change alot of things.
Yes, at the end of this 2 years,
maybe i will get nothing in return.

BUT BUT BUT
lemme tell you guys this.
HE didn't force me to wait
HE didn't ask me must wait
HE didn't commit any things to make me wait
HE didn't promise any things to let me wait.
HE didn't paint me beautiful pictures for me to hope.
I DID IT OUT OF MY OWN WILL
i won't blame,
if at the end of this 725 days we are not together.
i won't blame,
if at the end of this 725 days is wasted.
i won't blame,
if at the end of this 725 days he choose someone else.

I only want to stick around with him,
to be with him through this part of his life.
I only want to be there for him,
when he is feeling down or whatever shit.
I want to be there when he needs,
a listening ear,
a shoulder to lean out,
a mouth that provides advice.

I don't need him to promise me that,
we will definitely be together.
he will definitely marry me.
we will have a bright future.
I DON'T NEED ALL THESE
i just want him to know,
he is not alone.
someone is here for him when he needs it.

i don't know if he will ever stumble upon what i'm writing.
i don't know what the future holds for me.
i don't know if we will be together.
i don't know what is at the end of this 725 days.
but,
i will still stick around.
i will still be here for him.
i will still wait.
i will still stay.

For you,
I will show to you,
you are not lonely in this world.
you deserve so much more better.
you are someone who is worth of my sillyness.

Labels: 725 more days, RLJH

2:21 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。

Tuesday, March 05, 2013Y

Inspired: Lil Coussie :D

05032013's;

this post is kinda inspired by my Lil Pretty Cousin.
didn't have the intention of posting anytime soon since my last update.
but she read my blog,
and that silly girl said she almost cried!
she said after reading my blog,
she feel so intimate with me.
Thanks uh, Coussie :D

Didn't manage to catch any rest at all.
too many things running thru my mind.
too much of a planning to do for my life.
too much of decision to make for my work!
&& too much of you in my thoughts.

Was upset that your company was being punished for a fault that is not committed by you guys.
Turnout twice, and you only managed to rest at likea 1am.
WTF sia.
Where is the 8 hours of uninterrupted rest as promised :/
HAHAHAs
never mind, MAMA shall complain for you !

727 more days to your JUDGEMENT DAY.
Cha Tao. taken aback i go countdown not?
HAHA
maybe people might feel that I'm silly, I'm stupid.
What for waste 2 years of my time,
waiting for someone who can't even tell you a reason to wait for.
but deep down,
we both know very well that,
what is the wait for.

I assume you asked me to wait cos ,
you wanna use the 2 years, to let go of her,
to carve out your own career,
to be a promising guy so that your future will be better.
you don't want to commit anything yet cos you don't want to be unfair to me

As for me,
like what you kept saying me
I might be silly,might be stupid in your eyes.
but i know, you are touched.
cos from the look in your eye that night,
that very night when i told you.
2 years jiu 2 years, not like i cant wait.
and when you look at me, saying me stupid.
I saw something behind your eye,
you might think that i did not notice it.
But i did.
I saw tears in your eye.

I do not know whether the tears are cos you are touched,
or cos you were thinking,
why cant she do the same for you.
But i saw the tears, they are a fact.
Though you never let it fall,
but i felt the pinch.
I seriously do.

I do not know what the future has in store for me.
But for sure,
I know that this 727 days is gonna be tough,
tiring, lonely and hard to walk through.
but i believe, at the end of this path,
i will see the fruits of hard labor.

Whether or not after this 727 days you will still be here,
I am not bothered.
I just want you to know that,
at least at this very moment,
I am enjoying your company.
and I'm glad that God,
has brought you back to my side after 3 years.

I believe its fate that we still talk as much as we like 3 years back.
I believe its fate that we still meet each other even after 3 years.
I believe its fate, that if we are gonna be tgt by each other sides in the near future.
But regardless of whether are we gonna be tgt once more,
I still thank God for letting me know you.

I just want you to know,
I have not, and will not regret what i am doing now,
and on that saturday night.
you keep saying its not turning back,
*sounds evil*
but i really do not want any chances for this to turn back.

Misses XOXOXOXOXOXO

8:35 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。

Sunday, March 03, 2013Y

03032013's;

3 month plus since i last updated.
Wooots.
January and February hasn't been good to me.
So far, March has been alright for me.

Mr Wood Head said,
give me 2 years time.
if you can wait, you wait.
lemme tell you this stupid CHA TAO.
2 YEARS IS A DEAL.
you better make sure you mean what you say.
if not i die also haunt you down ahs !

though i am unsure how true it is gonna be,
but im gonna wait and see.
02032015 will be the judgement day.
but who knows whether am i able to even live till that day.

i have to decide in June2013,
whether to opt for operation or radio active iodine.
higher chances is that i will go for operation.
but if i were to unfortunately fight lose this war,
i hope you will find someone else.
i dont know what are the chances of me surviving through this ordeal.

I told you i might die in this operation.
you tell me cannot die.
you want invite me to your ORD parade,
say serious,
i was very TOUCHED by it!
i hope God will also be touched.
so that I can see your ORD parade.

i love the way we fall asleep together in each other arms.
i hope its not gonna be like how it was 3 years ago.
I hope this will work out.
i hope you know,
i am serious about this.
i hope i hope,
this is not going to turn out as a dream again!

with loves,
to VAINPOT you :D

10:53 PM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。

Saturday, November 17, 2012Y

17112012's;

Wow, its been a month since i last blogged.
How time flies.

Just finished watching the movie, "Ah Boys To Men".
The film seriously touched me and tears fell for it.
But, it also at the same time made memories of our past flood back.

I remember how we cried the night before your enlistment till dawn.
How worried I was till the extent that I kept re-packing your bag, fearing that I missed out things that you needed.
How reluctant I was to let go of you when you gave me the last hug.
How hard I tried to control my tears in Tekong when I see you fall in and march away after the lunch.
How hard it was to sleep at night without you by my side.
How excited I am when you called me on the very same day during your very first admin time.
How reluctant I was to hang up the call when you had to go to sleep.
How hard it was to struggle through that 2 weeks when you had your confinement.

When the 2 weeks finally came to an end,
I remembered how gan chiong I was at work.
Worrying that I would be late and would be unable to fetch you.
Worrying that you will be so worn out.
Worrying that you will be hungry and stuffs.
When I finally saw you at Pasir Ris,
I remembered how happy I was.
I remembered how touched I was.
I remembered how anxious I was.

After that,
I remembered how I would rush off from work to fetch you at Pasir Ris at your every book out.
How I would send you to Pasir Ris for book in every Sunday.
How I went to Tekong for your Meet the Parents Session.
How I put your dirty laundries to wash, hang it out to dry, fold it, pack it into the ziplock bag,
How I would ensure that you will have enough toiletries to bring in to camp.
How I would nag at you to help to fold and pack your stuffs.

And when the 19 weeks was coming to an end,
I remembered how I saw the disappointed look when your parents and brothers mentioned that they were unable to make it for your parade.
I remembered how hard I tried to talk to them to get them to go.
How happy you were when your parents finally agreed.
How I went to East Coast, waited for 2 hours just to catch that moment of glimpse when you were doing your route march for POP.
How I couldn't sleep and waking up at 4 am cos I was just so excited to attend your POP Parade.
How hard I tried to plan for a 3D2N getaway during your block leave and got blamed for trying to waste money.
How we spent your block leave doing nothing and quarrel (or rather, get scolded).

And after your block leave,
I remembered how disappointed you were when you know that you do not qualify for Signing On.
How I tried to comfort you saying that it was alright.
How disappointed you were when you gotten your posting.
&& How I continued to send you for book ins and fetch you from book outs despite the camp was so far away from home.

But on the 21st June 2012,
What did I get in return for all these?
Quarrels over the phone,
Your doubts towards my feelings for you,
Your insecurities of me leaving you for another,
Your paranoid thinking that I'm two-timing you,
Your scoldings cos you didn't had a good day in camp,
&& Finally,
You mentioning breakup cos you felt that I was a burden,
A problematic girlfriend.
&& Best of all, the breakup wasn't even a proper one.

In return for the efforts, feelings, time and loved I put in,
I got a heartbreak that till now,
That I still can't FUCKING get over.
4months & 27days down the road,
I don't know why the FUCK am I still getting the heartache.
Why are you still embedded so deeply in my heart.

This kind of pain, this kind of heartache,
Its so overwhelming for me to handle.
Its even more painful than my Wisdom Tooth Surgery.
Even more painful than crying till my eye swell.
Can anyone please kindly get me out of this shit?
I don't think I can take it nor handle it anymore.
I need to find a way to release all these that is within me.

I can't breakdown, I can't cry.
I don't want my mum to be worried.
I do not want to show that the weak side of me.
I do not want them to know that I haven't get over him.
I do not want them to know that he is embedded so deeply in me.

1:10 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。

Wednesday, October 17, 2012Y

17102012's

Been like a week since I last updated this blog.
Cos I've been busy updating the dairy by hand.
Penning down my thoughts every single day.
Though I promised to update my blog every day.
But somehow I feel that penning it down personally might be more sincere.

Haven been sleeping well the past few nights.
Been missing you so badly in my heart.
But I can't tell you.
Had a scary dream the other night.
I dreamt that I spoilt our Instax mini7.
Phew.
Luckily its all just a dream.

Woke up with a swollen thumb this morning.
So painful ):
How I wish that you are here to help me ease the pain.
But well, its all just but a wish.

Yours sincerely
♥

5:17 PM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。

Wednesday, October 10, 2012Y

10102012's:

111th day of separation.
Are you still doing fine?
I hope you are.

Been having lack of sleep issues these few days.
And had been having talks with my friend with regards to you.
Every time after the talk,
I would somehow or rather, dream of you aftermath when I sleep.

My dreams are all about our past.
How happy we used to be,
How loving we used to be,
How bickering could go on and on between the two of us.
And many many many more.
Its all about us, around us.

I sometimes wonder too, do you have such dreams too?
&& if you have such dreams, do you,
wake up in the same situation like me?
face full of tears

Guess I'm just thinking too much.
I don't think that it would ever happen to you.
You are not like me,
you have already moved on and found new targets.
Whereas, I'm still staying on the same place.
Hoping that all these never once happened before.

I still, silently hope that you are still here with me.
&& that we have never broken up.
But I know that all these are just my wishful thinking.
I should face the reality soon.
&& move on with my damn life,
just like how you did it.

Yours sincerely
♥

6:14 PM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。

Tuesday, October 09, 2012Y

09102012's:

been a few days since i last blogged.
today should have been our ~~16th month-sary~~.
but it has turn out to be a day that is hurting for me.

had a HTHT with a friend last night at Bedok Reservoir.
he mentioned.
"you are happier when you are with him. you had less worries on your face and more smiles instead."
true enough, I do not deny this fact.
This friend of mine said that he is very confident in bringing the two of us back together again.
I thank him for his effort.
but I kind of declined it.

Not that I do not trust him, but I do not have faith in myself.
I was having this image bubble in my mind,
when my friend told me that he would bring the two of us back together.
sit down face to face and have a nice chat.
I saw myself tearing so badly inside my imagination.
I couldn't picture out what if its real.

Today is the 109th day that we have since broken up.
How are you doing ? my friend.
I dare not ask about it.
I can only keep all these inside my heart.
and hoping that miracles would appear so that you could stumble upon my blog.

Though we are no longer together,
I still would like to say:
"Happy 16th months."
&&
17th months of knowing each other.
God knows how much I've been missing you.

Yours sincerely
♥

6:02 PM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。