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once and for all... ii m goiin to clear things up... ii am norrt gonna lose anii ofb maii sistas jux because of a FUCKING guy!
aniiwae... ii m tiinkiin ofb goiin to WWW after exams! aniione interested? anna??? hhahahahaes... dun forget we sae b4 we wan go wan worrs... tmr iish our exams liaox... so damm stressed! even dream oso kann dream till doiin practice paper and all lorrs... damm irritated! haiish.. dun noe wad ii m tiinking aniiwae... so nvm...
anna: dun misunderstand... ii wuold norrt change maii attitude towards yew al derrhs... cux yew all maii sistas! hhehehehes... so dun angriie okaes? da jie! hhehehehes... tiish week gorrt work? sms miie when yew see tiish post... ii wanna ask yew go McD eat lehx... esp sat morning... go eat breakfast! kkaes? mux sms miie horrs! dun make miie miiss yew so muchiie!
dunno yew gorrt read anorrt... aniiwae... jux write here... ii dunwan to affect maii study mood now... so everythiing? push behind till ii kann realli sort out maii mind den sae... ii wun bother yew... so dun bother to realli noe wad iish happening now... when time come ii will tell yew derrhs...
9:30 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。
Thursday, September 28, 2006Y
ii feel so FUCKED up! ii dunno whye... ii jux feel lyk scoldiin tiish F*** word todae... especially when ii rmb maii feellings... ii tried to numb maiiself... budden ii couldn't! ii feel lyk goiin back to daes where ii kann cut maiiself! ii wan tat kiind of lyfe and freedom! ii wan to be back the old self! yew all kann sae ii am mad... yessh ii am... practically because of stress,shattered feelings and mani more... ii dunno hw to describe... ii onlii noe ii am feelin screwed up there... so dun care aniimore abt miie!
ii kannt do whatever iish iin tiish song... ii will breakdown... ii wiil giive up! ii kannorrt be lyk someone strong... ii kannorrt aniimore... ii am tired... so dun care abt miie aniimore...
yesterdae night we went to the hospital to visit maii grand-auntie's husband... he iish staeiin at cgh at ward 18... so we went there to search... and ii passed by bed 26... ah ma used to stae at ward 26 before she pass awae... ii suddenly missed her verii muchiie... ii dunno whye... the sight of the bed made miie felt lyk cryiing... abt 2 or 3 months ago, ii was still there... tryiin to coax her into drinkin up the milk... and now? she's gone... so ii kind of felt lyk cryiing yesterdae... ii tot ii will never get a chance to go back to there again... yet ii gorrt it yesterdae... even a glimpse of it was perfectly fine for miie... ii realli wiish to see maii grandma againx...
to ah ma: do yew noe how muchiie ii miissed yew? would yew please come and visit miie? ii hope yew would bring ah gong and ah gu along... ii miissed them as well... ii noe yew would... ii will be goiin to pray on lantern festival... its yur birthdae! maybii yew kann cum to miie dreams and tell miie wad yew would lyk? ii would buy it for yew! as long as ii get to see yew again!
ii realli wanna cry out loud and scream out loud! ii dunno wad ii kann do now... exams ard the corner... and ii gorrt so manii problems to face to... ii dunno how to handle it... so? jux let it go barrhs... ii jux wanna study and pass maii eoy... ii wan to finish maii studiies... and complete maii dreams... ii will... cux ii promiised ah ma before to study hard hard... so tat ii kann lead a better life in the future...
7:50 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。
Wednesday, September 27, 2006Y
yea! ii change song again! so niice... hilary duff derrhs song... actually wanted to change to chinese song again.. budden suddenly thot of tiish song... so place it here... quite a niice song actually...
so nw... ii dunno wad HE iish tiinkiin... he wasnt lyk tiish... didnt repliie maii msn msgs... nvm den... aniiwae... ii expected tiish... we WUN have anii endiing wan! nvm liaox... wo kan kai liaox...
it iisnt aniitiink... ii will be able to survive wiithout him? ii seriously dunno the answer to tiish question... to maii sistas readiin: sorriie... ii tiink ii have some to a decision liaox... and tat iish norrt to carry anii more hope... budd to dash it all in a go... ii rather tiish cux ii wun feel so hurt! ii realli dunwan to bii hurt aniimore... so damm sorriie... ii am realli sorriie... cux ii m too afraid... tats whye ii ran awae upon seeiin him... ii tiink frm todae onwards... all hopes will bii dashed and ii wun harbour anii thoughts liaox... so ii am free again? or will ii bii tied to memoriies? shld bii the latter... cux ii am alwaes lyk tiish... no choiice... its jux maii personality... sorriie...
to him*: yew might bii readiin tiish whole lot of post... ii dun mind aniiwae... ii made it verii clear iin tiish damm blog liaox... up to yew whether to believe or not! all maii hopes have been dashed... budd ii dun blame aniione except maiiself... ii dun even giive a damm care as to whether yew tiinkiin abt wad liaox... ii dun even care whether yew understand wad ii tryiin to point to or not... cux iits norrt gonna bii maii business aniimore! aniiwae, still gotta thank yew for encouragiin miie when ii m low... thanks for all those testi...
have ii cleared whatever ii m supposed to? ii tiink ii have... so ii kann go scott-free? dun realli tiink so... at least ii did something yea? ii said out whaever has been iin maii heart!
8:27 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。
Tuesday, September 26, 2006Y
halo! ii m back to posting liaox... maii blog derrhs background sound okae liaox... was quite shocked to see maii tag gt someone name sexy... hhahahahaes... dunno whuus tat aniiwae... so jux replied tat person aniiwae... to find out whuu tat person iish...
ii m realli sorriie anna,huifenn n winnie... ii didnt go hm at 8 plus... i walk walk den msg vivien... she said she was goiin out to eat... so ii tag along... den ii went back at abt 9 plus goiin to 10... sorriie ferr lyiing... ii jux had tat urge to run awae... cux ii didnt noe how to face him... sorriie...
aniiwae... ii feel tat ii m somehow or rather on the right track liaox... jux tat ii dunhab the courage to face it up... so aniiwae... dun sae aniitiink abt it liaox larrhs... dunwanna annii misunderstandiing liaox... alreadii embarrassed enuff liaox... kkaes? ii promiise ii will tell yew all when ii m done wiib stuffs...
8:40 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。
Sunday, September 24, 2006Y
hiie! ii jux came back frm huiifenn's bbq... was fun... aniiwae, happiie b'dae huiifenn! ii didn't noe whye... when ii saw hiim, ii jux felt lyk runnin awae! ii dun noe wad's gotta over miie... ii bought breezer[peach] den drank iit! ii shared wiib huiifenn,anna n winnie... ii dunchx noe whye... ii felt depressed knowiin tat he will cum...
to anna, huiifenn, viven n winnie: ii dunchx noe wad ii m tiinkiin... so ii could norrt confirm thiings wiib yew all... ii m realli sry... sry ferr runnin awae the questions yew all post to miie... ii will repliie to yur questions once ii sort out maii mind... ii swear! realli verii sry....
to him* dun tiink yew noe whu ii referiin to barrhs... nvm aniiwae... jux wanna let it out here... ii m realli sry... ii dunchx noe hw to face yew... aniiwae thnx ferr the care giiben all these whiles... ii will find courage to face yew once ii sort tiings out... sorriie!
2:24 PM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。
Friday, September 22, 2006Y
hiie! suddenly feel so stress up... miie wanna cry out loud liaox... ii dunno whye ii m lyk tiish! jux hate maii lyfe nw... ii m lyk a gal fiindiin her wae.... budden jux nv seems to be able to find it... so whuu kann help miie?
hmms... dunchx realli knoe wad ii wan... ii jux feel tat whye ii kant treasure things ii hab... alwaes wanna wait till near losiin liaox... den go fight for it... maybii tiish iish jux miie... ii dunchx noe... onli maii frwens noe... anna kiip askiin miie to zhu dong... norrt ii dunwan... iish ii afraid... afraid of lots of things... so ii dun dare... maii greatest fear iish kiipiin miie backwards... so... let miie tiink abt it...
8:30 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。
Thursday, September 21, 2006Y
hiie!
ii m happily eatiin maii sushi nw! ltr still gt oreo n mamee lorrs... seems lyk tiish few daes ii dun lyk to eat meals... ii lyk to eat junk food instead! dunno whye oso... wa lao... the wasabi so duhx lorrs... shiok cux maii tongue gt a taste ofb iit! den da feellin lyk... ermm... dunno hw to explain!
nwadaes... miie miind completely onli gt maii studiies iin mind... [budden kannort deny nv tiink abt those stuffs...] ii hab been tiinkiin abt maii grandma... the tiinks she told miie... places she brought miie to... places ii brought her to... all these kiip flashiin iin maii mind... budden it seems tat no one realli noe wad ii m tiink... jux kann write it all down here... to release all maii emotions... okaes... ii dun deny tat ii nv tiink abt him... dunno wad ii m realli tiink abt barrhs... kiip gt alot of tiings he told miie flash through maii mind...
so ii m lyk iin a confused state? maybii... yesterdae chatted on e phone wiib jonathan... he went for campiing at bukit timah todae... its gonna end on fridae... so its lyk... duhx... they pay 30 bucks... n they get to plae flyiin fox!!!! nt fair!!! we go OBS oso nv plae... budden nvm... we all get to learn kyakiing! yeah!!!
ii m haviin one biig problem... sometiings wrong wiib miie! heyys... why is it so late... due to stress? nvm... let nature takes it course barrhs... nw listening to jayys song : bai se feng che the lyrics ofb the song verii meaningful... so maybii changiin maii blog song to tiish song... yeah! three cheers!
ah ma, ii miiss yew alots! do yew noe hw muchiie ii m miissiin yew right nw? please appear infront of miie iifb yew wish to! ii wun be afraid as ii m mentally prepared lerrhs! frm yur grand-daughter qI
10:34 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。
Wednesday, September 20, 2006Y
hie!
ii m baack to postiin againx... maii exams are here soon! damm soon lorrs... 9 more daes... its lyk... hmms... dunno hw to sae... so lyk quite bz studyiin... so... dunno oso...
hmms... tiink ii shld hab sorted out maii thiinkiins liiaox... tiink ii finally found maii direction lerrhs... hab to thanks anna ferr tiish... she's owaes there when ii feel lost... so... she made miie found out tiinks which ii didnt knoe... thanks alot!
these few daes i'm studyiin alot! so muchiie tat ii cant even believe it maiiself... maths especially... maybii ii realli wanna pass verii badly barrhs... ii jux dunno whye ii m studyiin extra hard tiish year... maybii all those scary stuffs teachers tell us... scare miie out of the hell... maybii barrhs... haiish... dunno wads maii brain realli tiinkiin abt lorrs.. quite shocked to see maiiself studyiin so much oso.... even miss tan oso tiink so lorrs... so quite happiie oso... hhahahahaes...
so wasnt lyk spendiin muchiie tym on other stuffs except maii com n studiies... hhehehehes... so kann expect miie to bii online abt everydae barrhs? doiin online homework... den chattiin wiib frwens... busy busy.... kkekekekes....
10:53 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。
Saturday, September 16, 2006Y
hmms... ii tiish few daes nth better to do... den download audition sea plae... so...
maii relationship? status? single!!! hhahahahahaes... nw route iish blur... wanna concentrate on studies first! 14 daes more to eoy liaox... so mux chiiong!
4:52 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。
Wednesday, September 13, 2006Y
hmms... back to normal lyfe lerrhs barrhs... jux feel tat ii still kant get over the death of maii grandma... wonder when den ii will be able to do it... jux feel damm uncomfortable abt her "presence" her miissin iish bad to miie... ii fell asleep todae iin skul... dreamt abt different things... all verii terriible... ii noe ii shld get over it soon... budden ii jux kannt... ii noe maii ah ma iish alwaes here... budden ii kannt see her aniimore... ii kannt tok to her aniimore... ii kannt go to punggol plaza wiib her aniimore... ii kannt eat breakfast wiib her aniimore... ii kannt hold her hands aniimore... so manii regrets... ii dunno wad to do... jux feel verii thankfull to those who supported miie... realli a biig thanks to yew all... the encouragement yew all gave miie... ii realli dunno wad to sae... ii m jux thankful... eh... ii nw verii blur lehx... headache comiin back... den kiip sleepin since maii grandma's cremated.. jux kannt seems to find back the usual energy of mine... aniiwae... ii jux dunchx care tat muchiie liaox...
7:04 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。
Tuesday, September 12, 2006Y
ii thiink ii've gotten over everything... ii felt so numb yesterdae... ii saw maii grandma's coffin beiin pushed in... n yet ii cried onlii when ii m walkiin out of the viewin hall...
ii did nt attend skul todae... ii went to pick up maii grandma's ashes... saw different colours... gt pinkish purple and green... shld bii the medicine she took... sad...
to: lizard tiink yew iin ns liiaox larrhs... jux wanna tell yew to miie.. ii've forgotten everytiink... ii tiink yew are jux a frwen to miie tiish moment onwards... so take kkarres...
iits tym ii moved on n continue wiib maii lyfe liaox... so ii wun thiink so muchiie liaox... wads impt nw iish maii studies... skul restart liaox... so mux chiiong ferr studiies... hehehehes...
8:06 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。
Tuesday, September 05, 2006Y
to the guy out there: ii swear tat yew are maii everytiink yew are maii lyfe maii soul yew are nt allowed to leave miie budden yew can choose nt tuhh bii wiib miie jux wanna tell yew wadever happens ii will still bii there... yew are forever the lizard ii noe... ii promiise n ii swear... yew will forever bii e onli one.. da "techno ah pei" ii will forever rmb todae!
ii noe yew wun bii readiin tiish... budden ii still gorrt the urge to write it down... jux wanna let yew noe... even iif ii m norrt giiben the chance... ii will still bless yew wiib all ii hab.. ii hope yew will find yur true <3> nt lyk miie... forever hab to face tragedy... so ii hope yew will norrt bii lyk miie... jux carry on wiib yur lyfe... n ii will bii contented...
todae maii cousin n auntie dey all go apply maii second uncle out... when maii second uncle came, he spoke to maii ah ma... maii ah ma's reaction was... she cried... ii felt lyk cryiin... budden ii kannt! ii dunwan to make her suffer... ii noe she iish sufferiin... she kannt speak... she kannt open up her eyes... ii wan her to bii lyk the past... bring miie to jog, bring miie to eat... ii dun mind gettin beaten up... ii jux wan maii grandma fine! why mux she suffer... she gorrt 16 grandchildren 11 great grandchildren... she shld bii enjoyiin lyfe... yet she kannt... her blood pressure was 60 two daes ago... ii dunno when will she bii fine.. even iif she will to die... ii oso nvm... cux ii dunwan her to suffer aniimore...
ii jux kannt understand wad she did to get tiish... ii jux kannt...
3:02 PM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。
Friday, September 01, 2006Y
hmms... tiish iish maii second post here... thanks zhi wei for tryin to talk me around. i noe ii m terribly stubborn.. budden kant help it tat muchiie... cux ii realli kant bear to see maii grandma sufferin... she lyk sufferin so muchiie... yet ii kant do a single thing for her... it realli hurts maii heart to see her in tiish condition... its lyk i rather i suffer lorrs... its stil better to see her, an old lady, suffering so much! its lyk piercin maii heart wiib a few hundred knives...
it hurts miie so muchiie deep down... wad's worse iish lyk wad ii said... ii kant do aniitiink! ii realli feel lyk screamiin out loud!!!! ii rather ii get knock over by the car... rather den seeiin her iin tiish state nw... ii wan maii gud old healthy grandma back!!! why iisiit lyk tiish... she iish maii best grandma... she taught miie hw to cook... brought miie up... n nw.... all ii kann do iish jux see her suffer... yea... yew all might sae sickness n death is part n parcel of life... budden yew all dunno hw muchiie it hurts to see her sufferin frm renal failure n internal bleedin... its lyk... ii dunno hw to describe... ii m lost!!!
7:09 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。
sobs... ii m lost!!! maii grandma iish iin a bad shape nw... jux as ii expected... tiish mornin ii was awaken by the phone call... n through out tiish dae... ii've been haviin tiish bad feelin... omGosh lorrs... ii damm feel lyk cryiin nw... budden ii noe ii kant! cux ii kannorrt add on to maii mummiie's burden... n wad's worse... maii grandma's condition: serious internal bleedin...
omGosshh lorrs... ii reallii dunno why maii sis wan to be defiant to maii mum lorrs... kannorrt listen to her mehx? haiish... lyk wad mrs shankar said... she iish jux beiin immature... haiish... DUN TRY TO ATTRACT ATTENTION WHEN YOU DUN NEED IT! ii realli wan her to know tiish... haiish.... kant she be more sensible? iim feelin so terrible now...
