♥Evonne.O

Sunday, September 28, 2008Y

back again.
simple n nothing else to say.

nearly broke up with baby.
sorry for being rash baby.
ie noe im very hot headed .
thanks for giving into me.
im very demanding just now.
sorry.

baby read my blog.
tagged.
but those tagged ie deleted.
SORRY.
its very unacceptable for me to read those everytime.
ie chose to hide from it.
very sorry baby.
but ie told ue le.
ie wante a fresh start.
no unhappy moments from the past.
only HAPPY moments from the past & now onwards.

经过今天之后，

我发现我不能没有你。

我无法在别人面前强忍着泪。

我知道我很没用。

可是，

那也是因为你在我心中，

占有一份很大的位置。

亲爱的，我爱你。

2:49 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。

Saturday, September 27, 2008Y

back to posting .
250908 is my offical last day in Baleno Kingdom(S) Pte Ltd.
today is my 106th day with baby.
but he's at BQ celebrating Pika's Birthday.
well .
its alright ie guess ...

had a heart to heart talk with yee today during our outing.
ie found out there's alot of problems which im facing in my r/s is the same as wad yee is facing.
we invested very heavy feelings into our current r/s .
its not a bad thing actually.
but we would rather feel loved by our partners.

sometimes ,
in the middle of the night ,
ie would ask myself.
whye is it that ie invest such heavy feelings in this r/s
when im afraid of being hurt badly.
there's millions n billions of things which ie wanna let baby noe.
but millions n billions of times ,
ie donte have the courage to do so.

im begining to worry.
worry wad if one day my heart is dead ?
wad if one ie stop calling or smsing baby ?
wad would take place.
will baby begin to worry ?
will he be afraid ?
will he ?

baby,
im not complaining or being childish.
ie really need ur shoulder for me to cry on very badly.
but you were always not there when ie needed you.
like wad shanon says
im not happy without you by my side.
without you ,
my smile will never be genuine
my laughs will never be the ones when im with you.
baby , can you see the sadness buried under me ?
ie donte want you to read this n feel guilty.
ie donte wante to be your burden anymore.
ie wante to grow up.
ie wante to be the ideal girl you want.
but no matter how hard ie try to do it,
it just doesnt seems to be the kind you want.

baby ,
you promised you will guide me throughout this whole journey,
you promised you will always be there no matter how much time im left with.
you promised to love me more than you loved your ex.
but ie just cant feel it.
am ie dying ?
or is my heart numbed.
can someone tell me ?

如果爱你必须牺牲我所拥有的东西和快乐，

我会毫不犹豫的答应。

因为你是我这一生中，

唯一无法放不下的男人。

♥ 我爱你♥

1:37 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。

Friday, September 19, 2008Y

blood test report out...
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i've got hyperthyroidism.
went to see doctor. was supposed to get my blood test report next week de. but wasnt feeling that well oso . so when to see a doctor again. doctor says blood test report is out. n i've got hyperthroidism.
so ppl, if you guys donte understand wad is hyperthyroidism , check it out @ http://www.medicinenet.com/hyperthyroidism/article.htm
quite useful actually. got alot of information about it.
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sms-ed baby the very first minute after ie gt my blood test when ie was able to. ie noe baby will be there to support me all the way.but ie really donte know how to handle it myself, especially with my sister there to make me more angry.ie didnt know how to tell baby cause he defintely will ask me not to think about wad my sister says.
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sometimes , ie really donte know how to tell baby certain things. ie hate to take regular medication. ie wante to be like every other normal teenager, without any sickness or wad so ever.but baby keep telling me to be good and take medication. im not worried that people will look down or me when ie take long term medications.ie just donte like MEDICINES !its bitter n disgusting. ie donte like to take medicine cause ie hate to take it. ie noe it seems very childish. but thats me. ie haven like medicine since young !

Labels: hyperthyroidism .

11:29 PM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。

Thursday, September 18, 2008Y

im getting more n more stupid . always making baby disappointed with me .

baby, ie noe that im in the wrong. sorry . ie didnt mean to do those things to ue. ie noe it hurts ue . but do ue noe that it actually hurts me more. ie noe ie should do things and judge things using my own emotions. ie noe ie shouldnt. SORRY baby.

cried real hard when ie was hugging baby while he's asleep. cried hard cause he wanted to push me away.ie was very upset by that act. ie cried. baby didnt bothered. so ie left him in his bed , ie went to his table , took a piece of paper and wrote some irritating stuffs on it. baby was woken up by me twice. he didnt really bother abt wad ie was doing plus ie was purposely hiding from him.when ie finally got the things done, he had already woken up. so ie placed the paper under his psp . told him ie wante to go home. baby was so loving towards me. he wanted to send me home. ie insisted to go home alone. he looked at me as though he sensed something wrong. ie hide ....
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not long after , warm tears rolled down my cheeks . ie couldnt hold it anymore. ie was so badly hurt yet ie need to hide it. baby asked me wad happen , why am ie crying . ie told him ie was thinking about grandma which in fact wasnt the real fact. yes , ie was thinking abt grandma. but mostly was baby. caused ie hurt myself so deeply. when ie finally pluck the courage to kiss baby goodbye, ie walked as fast as ie could , as hard ie could , out of his room , his house , to the lift. ie wanted to cry. but ie held back. ie called nick. ie asked a favour from him . ie asked him to chat with baby while ie sms-ed baby, look around your table .
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baby immediately called me. ie REFUSED to pick up. im afraid ie will break down in the cab. ie donte wante to. ie tried to put up a brave front.....he den smsed me. ....

sorry baby , ie admit im weak. im always relying on ue and making ue feel very tired. but do ue still rmb all the sms-es ue sent me ? ie still kept it in my phone ! ie will always rmb wad ue said. im your motivation for ur future. ie will keep it down in my heart.ue say that im ur physical and pyscological pillar. ie will always be there for you baby.

lastly . ie wanna say im reaaly sorry for the incident tonight. ie cant afford to lose ue. ue noe wad ? my heart aches alot till now. ie cant get to sleep cause im thinking of ue while crying.

爱断了双翅膀

心再不会飞翔

4:19 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。

Wednesday, September 17, 2008Y

are my efforts appreciated ?

11:46 PM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。

Saturday, September 06, 2008Y

back after such a long time ....

05092008 --
grandma officially left me for two years le. time flies. it really does. everything seems to have only happened yesterday. ie can still feel grandma's presence .its too hard on me to accept that grandma have left me forever. didnt really noticed the date till ie heard the song "Bye Bye by Mariah Carey" in my shop. grandma seems to do it on purpose. wanna let me noe that she gone for two years le. wanna tell me that she's doing very fine over at the other place. but well , she didnt came back to me during the 7th month. ie purposely went out till late at night. hoping to search for her in the dark . but well , guess she's too busy for me already. but ie believe that she heard every single thing that ie grumbled , complain and shared with her. she must be very happy for me cause ie got such a good baby to dote on me. maybe she let me found him on purpose. caused she knew that he will be there for even when the sky falls on me. she knew that ie needed another pillar to lie on after she's gone. thanks grandma.ie noe that ue are still blessing me even when ue are enjoying well at the other place. thank you grandma. baby's always telling me that grandma is busy with her stuffs thats whye she didnt come n visit me. & ie believed it. she's on a mission or something like that. she didnt do it on purpose not to visit me the whole 7th month . ie noe she wanted to come back n visit me. but she cant caused she's too busy. its alright grandma. ie understand it. ((= no worries.

bought mooncakes for baby's mum. glad that she liked it. n yeap. ie sent it up to his house personally ! hahas. when ie reached , baby was sleeping in his room w/o his aircon on ! wth lahhs . he's trying to kill himself by the heat ? hahas.

well , thanks friends for leaving me a tag. ie will be strong de. even if the results comes out negative , at least ie knew that there are one bunch of ppl who's always there for me. & ie noe that baby will of course be here with me oso . siianned. got to wake up damn early later on. needa drop by jurong point to get some goods from them . guess ie need get my ass out of my house by 0830 hours. baby's always nagging me. saying that my job isnt for me to enjoy , but to kill me rather. hahas.

1:55 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。