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Wednesday, December 24, 2008Y

im lost
really lost and utterly lost .
what decision should i make ?
should i take the radioiodine or should i go for surgery?
what can i do ?
who can help me ?!




radioiodine - radio active.
i wonte be able to be get close to young children,
pregnant womans.
i must not get pregnant within 6months at least.
this is radio active .
it might stay in my body forever
who knows.
look at hiroshima and nagasaki.
the radioactive waves are still causing hurt.
i donte wanna harm anyone around me.
i really donte wante.


surgery -
risks are high
near my main veins.
might affect my vocal cords.
scar will stay with me for the rest of my life.
im worried that i might die in the operation theater.
and i still got tons of things that i wanna do.
i cannot let the operation affect my life.



i needa be on lifelong medications if i choose either one of them.
its to make up for the lost of thyroid glands
medicine is something i hate to take .
arghhh .
i feel like giving up already.
im so tired to battle on with my condition.
really very very tired.



its gonna be a long battle with that th condition.
i really donte know how long more i can fight with it.
ppl kept asking me not to give up myself .
but im really very tired to fight with it further .
anthony promised if im going for the surgery
he will accompany me through out.
will visit me everyday .
but im really very sick n tired with life already.
i've been giving in so much in life yet all the unlucky things happens to me.
maybe i should listen to what the old ppl says ...
i reap what i sow in the previous life.
maybe this is what they call KARMA.
i totally believe in it .
thanks god for giving me so much of lessons in life.




merry christmas to all.
im in no mood for any festives recently.
not even CHINESE NEW YEAR.

2:40 AM
愛情沒有對或錯，只有珍惜和錯過。